Go Diego Go…and Awesome Aggies

This week’s Saturday news round-up – a scurry, if you will – is certainly not suffering from a dearth of interesting, amusing, and just frankly bizarre content. We saw many headlines on which we could have written an irreverent and entertaining post.

Michael Slagowski, a high school student from Meridian, Idaho, became just the ninth American high school student to run a sub-4:00 mile. 4 minutes!! That’s an average of 15 miles per hour. Next time you’re on the road, try driving at 15mph – you’ll soon appreciate just how fast that is.

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Then, of course, the flowers are beginning to show themselves, buds are appearing on trees, and in Eugene people are emerging from their 7-month hibernation, bleary-eyed, pale and in search of the sun. What does this mean? Why, that marathon season is in full swing of course. The wan faces strap on their shoes and embark on that most protracted of races, where once they’ve run 20 miles they still have 10k more.

And, to be sure, we could have written about that – the Eugene and London editions were held last week. And there was Bloomsday – a more reasonable length for more rational runners (wait, do those exist?). At just 7.4 miles, it’s downright short! There’s just the small issue of Doomsday Hill – a 160 ft gain at mile 5 at a massive 6.5% gradient. It’s like running up the great North Face of Everest.

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But sadly not even Doomsday Hill could make our reports this week. So by way of an interminable introduction, I give you Diego.

Diego is probably a very honest, though perhaps pedantic, guy who helps to run the Cleveland rec soccer leagues. The other member of our story is a youth soccer player Brian Garruto.

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Diego kicked Brian out of the league for repeated instances of unsportsmanlike conduct. How dare he, for instance, score 14 goals when the limit is 3 goals per player? Some of the violations are downright bizarre – “giving birth to a soccer ball after scoring” – and others are just blatantly funny – “changing jerseys after receiving red card and attempting to play remainder of match.”

Here is the email Diego sent to Brian. Garruto tweeted it out in February:

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Is it just us, or is that a very lengthy email to be sending from a cell phone?

At any rate, all we can say is that we reviewed the rules of the league and they are going to have to make the cowboy hat ban a bit more explicit next time.

Our last stop in our roundup is in Logan, UT at the campus of the Utah State University. The Aggies, as they are known, became a viral Snapchat sensation last week and the Livestory is memorialized here. We are yearning to give you a play-by-play but sadly, if we we would be ashamed to spoil the experience. So instead we encourage you to watch, enjoy how social media can bring us together, and, most importantly, keep your mouth shut!

(photo credit: NCAA, Spokesman Review, Chronicle, GQ)

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